Torn
by Jori-BeremyFan
Summary: Quinn loves Rachel. Rachel may love Santana. Santana may love Rachel. Rachel thinks she loves Quinn. Its all a whirlwind of emotions for these three friends who may or may not have found love over a summer in New York. But when Brittany gets back with Sam and Quinn heads back to New Haven Rachel and Santana are alone in their NY apartment, Rachel has a decision to make.
1. Chapter 1

"Summers almost over guys." Rachel said with a sigh while passing the bowl of mashed potatoes to Santana.

"I know. I really don't want to leave and go back to Connecticut." Quinn added on.

"Well at least it's been a summer to remember." Santana said with a smile

The girls nodded in agreement. All except Brittany who shoveled another forkful of peas into her mouth. She'd been quiet all evening.

"Britt is everything alright?" Santana asked, placing her hand on top of Brittany's.

Brittany nodded "Yeah, it's just Sam." She said, her voice barely above a whisper

"What about Sam? I thought you two ended it before you left Lima." Rachel said, confused.

"We did, but last night…he called and um we had a long talk and he told me how much he missed me and how much he hated not being with me and I realized…" she paused, trying to get the hard lump in her throat to go down. "I realized," she continued "that I missed him too. A lot." The three girls sat there in silence, still processing what she had said. Quinn sat up and cleared her throat.

"So what does this mean?" She as ked, Rachel and Santana leaned in closer anticipating her answer.

"It means I'm leaving…" she said hanging her head, too ashamed to look at her friends.

Santana scoffs and lets go of Brittany's hand "Are you kidding me!? Brittany, he broke your heart and you're just gonna run back to him!? Seriously, when are you gonna stop letting him run all over you and take care of yourself!" she screamed.

"Santana, I love him!" Brittany yelled back "I love him more than I love myself sometimes…" she said again, this time quieter. Tears sprang to her eyes as she continued "Without him I kinda feel empty. I feel like he completes me. He completes my existence."

"Well whatever decision you make, we've got your back." Quinn said and then looked at Santana who was so angry her face had turned a bright red. "Well, Rachel and I will."

Brittany sighed and looked up at Santana, her face flushed with tears "Santana, please don't hold this against me." She pleaded.

Santana rose up out of her seat and glared down at the girl "I'm not holding anything against you, it's your life do what you want with it." She said coldly before leaving the table and locking herself into Kurt's old room.

Rachel stirred in her sleep as a figure gently slipped under the covers of her bed and rested their head onto the pillow. She sighed and opened her eyes as the person's hand touched her face gently.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." The woman whispered

"It's fine…" Rachel said while kissing the figures wrist "I was expecting you."

They lay there for a bit, their voices mute, breathing steady, and heartbeats rapidly beating. Finally Rachel spoke.

"Did you talk to her?"

The girl nodded "Yes." She breathed

"You didn't have to be so mean, Santana. I know you still love her and all but…"

"I don't love her, at least not like that. Not anymore. I care about her and I hate to see her get walked on."

"I understand, but Brittany loves Sam. Maybe that's the reason she always finds her way back to him, maybe they were meant to be." Rachel whispered while tracing the outline of Santana's facial features.

She sighed "Maybe."

"So I guess this means it's just you and me, huh?"

Santana chuckled "I guess so."

Rachel smiled in the darkness. The thought of her and Santana being in the house alone, living in New York just the two of them together gave her chills.

"So does that mean we're gonna have to figure out what all of this is between us?" Santana asked more seriously

"What do you mean?"

"I mean don't you want to know why I sneak into your room every night, why we lay here in the dark every night not saying a word. I mean we technically aren't guilty of doing anything wrong but surely if someone were to walk in on us right now we wouldn't be innocent either."

"You're right." Rachel said, her throat starting to get dry. "I'm confused too. I don't know what any of this means or what we mean. All I know is that there is no other person I'd rather live with and there's no other person I'd rather be laying here with then you, San." She whispered kissing her wrist once more.

Santana smiled at the girl "I love it when you call me San. You're the only person that has ever called me that. It sounds so good when you say it."

Rachel chuckled "Well San, may I kiss you?" she asked a mischievous smile playing on her lips

"You may, Rach."

Rachel leaned in and placed her lips onto Santana's. She breathed deeply, overwhelmed by all that was happening. Every night she looked forward to being joined by Santana, kissing her wrist and her lips. Rachel didn't know what all this meant either. Whether or not she was gay or if Santana was her true love, she had no idea how to explain her and the girl's status to anyone because she could hardly figure it out herself. All she knew was that when Santana placed her sickeningly sweet lips onto Rachel's she was in heaven.

"You comfortable?" Quinn asked as Rachel settled in between her legs.

"Mm, very." She whispered as the warm water lapped up against her bare chest.

Quinn chuckled and kissed Rachel's wet hair "I'm gonna miss this." She said, wrapping her arms around Rachel's naked body and pulling her closer into her own.

"I will too." She said back sadly, resting her head against the girl's chest.

"I'm going to miss you." Quinn added, biting her tongue to keep from crying.

"No more sneaking around, no more nooners." Rachel said, making no attempts to try and hide the tears that were steadily falling down her cheeks.

"You and Santana won't have to sneak around anymore either. Since Brittany is gone, you two will have the house all to yourselves."

"Yeah," Rachel replied dejectedly.

"Do you…" Quinn hesitated "Do you think you're in love with her?"

Rachel swallowed hard "I don't know, Quinn."

"I think you are." She said nonchalantly "I think you look forward to having her come into your room at night than being with me in the afternoons." She said plainly

"Quinn, no don't say that. I love being with you, besides me and Santana don't even do anything when she comes into my room. The most we've ever done is kissed. You and I have done everything."

"I know which is why I think you love her. You love her so much that just lying in bed with her makes you happy; you guys don't need to touch or have sex, you're content with just laying there."

Rachel sighed "But I'm content with laying here with you. And I'm content when we touch and when we have sex. Being here makes me happy too."

"I know, and I love being with you, and touching you, and pleasuring you. I love you…" She whispered into Rachel's ear.

Rachel chuckled awkwardly, her body stiffening. Quinn loosened up.

"I'm sorry." She said, letting go of her. "I know I shouldn't feel that way about you but I do."

Rachel turns to face her. She wipes a tear from Quinn's cheek. "Don't. Okay, I don't want to hear another apology, I don't want to talk about Santana or who loves who, I just want to be with you. Right now, in this moment. It's all I care about."

Quinn sniffles, nods, and allows Rachel to place a gentle peck onto her lips. She settles back in between the girls legs and begins to ramble. Quinn just lets her talk, memorizing her voice so that she could play it back whenever she missed her. She rested her chin on Rachel's head and cried. Silently.

Rachel put the car into park and rested her head on the head rest. "Brittany left already?" Quinn asked, rubbing her shoulder. Rachel nodded.

"Santana took her to the airport this morning." She looked over at Quinn. She was so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful and hurt her more than anything to think that she'd have to leave her.

"I really don't want to say goodbye." Rachel said, tears immediately followed.

Quinn sighed "Come here." She said and pulled the girl into her body as she had so many nights before. She rubbed her back and allowed her to sob into her chest.

After five minutes of this Quinn pulled Rachel up by her shoulders. "Okay listen to me," she said looking her right into her tear stained eyes "no more crying, we're done crying. I know you don't want me to leave; I don't want to leave either. And I hate seeing you like this but it's what we have to do. We have to, Rachel."

Rachel chuckles and wipes her face "Y'know its funny, now that your leaving I think I may be in love with you."

Quinn let go of her shoulders and bites her lip, trying to hold back the smile that threatened to tear onto her face. She quickly shakes it off "That is amazing Rachel, really. I want nothing more than to believe that you aren't just saying that because I'm leaving. But you are. And I am. So we're going to kiss goodbye, you're going to help me with my bags and we're going to go our separate ways. And when I come back to visit for Christmas if you still feel the same way, that you love me, that you can't be without me then we'll be together."

Rachel smiled and held out her pinky "Promise?"

Quinn latches her pinky onto Rachel's and kisses it gently "only if you promise."

She leans into Rachel's lips and kisses her one last time.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel walked into the house and her nose was immediately filled with a decadent smell. She walked to the source and found Santana in the kitchen stirring rice on the stove. Rachel exhaled

"Mm, oh my. What is all of this?" She asked as she walked over to the girl and looked over her shoulder.

"It's our first night alone in the house together so I thought I'd make dinner for us."

"Wow. Seriously? I didn't even know you could cook."

"Oh, you've got a lot to learn about me Berry." She said and looked back and smiled at Rachel

"I can't wait!" Rachel said and tickled Santana's sides "Is it almost done?"

"No, it probably won't be finished for another hour or so but if you're really hungry, here's a sneak peek." Santana took a spoon and scooped up some red sauce and held it out to Rachel's mouth. Rachel accepted it happily, holding Santana's gaze the entire time. Tension began to rise and Santana finally broke her gaze and went back to stirring the rice.

Rachel wiped her mouth "That is…that is um really good." She said awkwardly. Santana chuckled "Happy you liked it." Rachel leaned against the counter and crossed her arms "So, it's really happening."

Santana raised her eyebrow and looked at Rachel "What's really happening?" "Us. I mean us living together." She says quickly trying to cover up the first thing she said. "Yeah, it doesn't feel like it though."

Rachel nods in agreement.

"But, once I convert Gay Hummel's room into 'Santana's Sanctuary' and once this delicious Spanish meal is complete it'll feel just like home." She says leaning in close to Rachel's face and smiling.

Rachel hangs her head as Santana goes back to working on dinner "I don't know why you wanna redecorate Kurt's room, you're just gonna end up in my bed at the end of the day anyways." She mumbled under her breath, smirking to herself.

Santana giggles and leans back closer to her "What was that?" She asks jokingly

Rachel lifts up her head quickly and smiles "What? Nothing!" "That's what I thought." Santana says, tapping her with the spoon and leaving a red dot on Rachel's nose.

Rachel giggles. Santana joins in with her and wipes the sauce from her nose, licking it off of her finger.

"You missed a spot." Rachel says non-chalantly. Santana looks at her perplexed. "Where?" "Here." Rachel, unable to control herself any longer, pulls Santana into her by her neck. She stares at the girl's lips, breathing slow and steady. Finally, Rachel takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and presses her lips against Santana's.

Santana moans into Rachel's mouth as she falls deeper into the kiss that they were sharing. She places the spoon onto the counter and allows her hands to position themselves onto Rachel's hips.

She pulls away from Rachel and goes down to her neck. Santana hooks her thumbs on the inside of Rachel's leggings and attempts to pull them down. Rachel immediately finds Santana's hands and pushes them away.

She looks up at Rachel "No, Santana. We can't…" Santana hangs her head and backs away. Rachel sighs and grabs her hand "We can't…not until after dinner." She says smiling at the girl and wrapping her arms around her waist "You worked so hard on this delicious meal and we shouldn't waist it." Santana's mouth stretches into a smile and she quickly hurries back to the oven.

"I better hurry up then!" Santana says happily. Rachel just giggles and watches as she continues stirring the rice.

"I wish you would get rid of your bangs." Santana says while brushing the hair out of her eyes. Rachel chuckles "Why? You don't like my bangs?" She asks while running her finger up and down Santana's bare spine.

"Yeah," she says while tracing Rachel's collarbone "But I like being able to look into your eyes better." Rachel smiles "Okay, I guess I could start wearing them…less." Santana nods and places a lazy kiss on her lips. She rests her chin on Rachel's bare chest.

"Did you know that that was the first time we've ever had sex?" Santana asks "Yes. And it was amazing. Like seriously mind blowing!" Rachel says enthusiastically.

"Was? Oh I aint's done yet!" Rachel giggles "I'm gonna go grab a water and then I'll be back for round two!" Santana kisses Rachel's collarbone and gets up and goes into the kitchen. Rachel watches from bed as her toned naked body skips away.

She smiles to herself and then grabs her phone from the nightstand. She unlocks her phone and sees a missed call from Quinn. Of course. Rachel had told her to call after she'd landed. Feeling a pang of guilt, she hits call and puts the phone up to her ear. She answers on the third ring.

"Hello."

"Hello. Hey, Quinn. I'm sorry I didn't hear my phone ring. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I miss you." She said gently

Rachel gulps "Oh, I um miss you too. But how was your flight? Was it crowded?"

"It was decent I guess it probably would've been better if I hadn't cried the whole time." Quinn chuckles

Rachel feels that same pang of guilt in her stomach "Oh, I'm sorry I…" She starts

"Babe, I was gonna make some popcorn. Do you want some?" Santana calls from the kitchen.

Rachel clenches her teeth and puts her hand over the phone to cover the sound "Um, sure."

She uncovers her hand and puts it back to her ear "Hello? I'm sorry about that." "It's okay. Who was that?" Quinn asks curiously. "Santana." Rachel says plainly, trying not to sound too suspicious.

"Did she just call you babe?" Rachel could picture Quinn right at that moment, her brows knitted into that confused look when she was dying to get her nose into something. Rachel swallowed again. If she told Quinn no she'd be lying to her. She knew all about her and Santana, every last detail. It'd be pointless to lie. But since she dropped her off at the airport and told her that she loved her she couldn't reveal the truth either. To tell Quinn that she and Santana had had sex, something that was usually only reserved for her, felt morally wrong. Still, Rachel couldn't lie. She knew the girl would be able to see right through her.

"Yes." Rachel said hesitantly.

She could hear Quinn's voice begin to become ragged "Seriously?" Quinn asked. The hurt creeping up in her throat.

Rachel sighs "Seriously." She whispers, surrendering herself to whatever the consequences might be because there had to be some.

"Rachel. You had sex with her!?" Quinn sounded so hurt, so unbearably heartbroken that it actually brought tears to Rachel's eyes. She wiped them away quickly "Quinn I…"

"Did you at least tell her about me and you? What we've been doing?"

"No. I couldn't hurt her like that, Q."

"But you could care less about me, huh?" Her voice was becoming very defensive. "You spared the news for Santana because you love her and you don't wanna hurt her but I'm just a toy to you so it doesn't matter how I feel?" She sounded so disgusted that Rachel cringed

"Quinn, you're not a toy! You mean way more than that please don't think that way. I didn't wanna lie to you, I can't lie to you!"

"I would've been happy If you lied to me this one time, Rachel." She said coldly. And they just sat there for awhile. But it felt like Quinn was breathing hard into the phone on purpose, just so she would know how pissed she was.

"Quinn," Rachel muttered "don't be mad."

"I don't know what I am. But next time," Rachel bit her lip in anticipation "Don't go around giving out meaningless I love you's because someone might actually take them to heart." She hangs up the phone without even a goodbye. Rachel slams her phone onto the table beside her bed and lets a tear fall down her cheek just as Santana walks in.

Just great.

"Sorry it took me so long, I was tidying up the kitchen." Santana looks up at the girl who was clearly far from happy. Her face turns serious as she places the bowl of popcorn and the water bottles on the night stand and crawls up next to Rachel.

"Baby." She says sympathetically while stroking her cheek. "Rachel, what's the matter? What happened?"

Rachel shakes her head and rubs Santana's hand "I need to stop lying to you. I have some things I need to tell you. And I don't know how you're going to handle it all but I can't keep doing this to you."

Santana removes her hand from Rachel's face and places it in her lap, listening intently as Rachel begins to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel stirred in her sleep as Santana slipped under her covers and rested her head on the pillow. She sighed and turned to face her. This time Santana didn't apologize for waking her or rub her cheek. She just lay beside her, the silence killing Rachel.

"I'm surprised you still came."Rachel whispered.

"Why?" Santana asked plainly

"Because you stormed out so fast that I was positive you'd never speak to me again."

Santana didn't reply to this, just stared into the darkness of Rachel's room.

"Santana, I'm sorry." "You said that already." She said coldly.

"Okay, well if you aren't gonna forgive me then why are you in my bed?" Rachel asked accusingly "I never said I wasn't going to forgive you. I'm hurt Rachel." She said, Rachel could hear her voice cracking and her heart cracked right along with it.

"Why'd you have to lie to me? Why didn't you just tell me what you and Quinn were doing? You opened up to her about us."

"I couldn't tell you because what me and Quinn were doing was so much more."

"I think that's what hurts the most about all of this." As Santana continued she gently placed her hand onto Rachel's face and brushed her cheek. It felt so good to feel her touch again. "You and I weren't doing anything compared to you and Quinn. Well not until today." Rachel sighed "Quinn actually said the same thing about me and you." She said, letting out a soft chuckle. "What'd she say?" "She said that all I needed was to know that you were there to feel content. That's how much I love you." Rachel said planting a gentle kiss on the girl's wrist.

"Is that…is that true? Do you really feel content when you're with me?" Santana whispered

"Absolutely." Rachel said plainly

"Do you…love me too? Do you love me, Rachel? Be honest because I need to know, I need to know that all of this isn't just my imagination. 'We're' not just my imagination."

Rachel lies there, tight and unable to speak. She had no idea what to say. Surely now wasn't the time to go professing her feelings for Santana. But then again when would there be a better time?

Santana took a deep breath "I love you." She whispers just as Quinn had "So so much. You complete me, just like Sam completes Brittany. Like you said no matter how much I try I always find my way back to you. I'm content when we're together, we don't need to touch or have sex. Just as long as I know you're there, lying next to me, I'm content." Rachel could hear Santana sniffling. She let the tears fall down her face too, unable to process what the woman had said.

This was absolutely insane.

"Rachel, do you love me?" She asked again

"Absolutely."

Rachel woke up and rubbed her eyes, the sun was so bright it seemed as if it was blinding her. She turned on her other side and found nothing but a print of someone's body on top of a mess of sheets. Rachel wasn't sure if Santana had stayed in her bed that night or not. She really couldn't remember what was said after she'd confessed her love. Rachel found herself smiling at the recollection of this. That Santana really loved her and Rachel was positive she felt the same way.

In fact there wasn't a doubt in her mind.

She was brought back to reality by a knock on her bedroom door. Rachel immediately sat up and brushed her bed hair. It could obviously only be one person. She cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak.

"Come in." Rachel said so quietly that she wasn't even sure if Santana heard her. But then a second later the door slowly opened and she stepped inside. All disheveled and still somewhat consumed by sleep but perfect.

Rachel smiled "Good morning." She said gently.

Santana rubbed her eye and yawned "Good morning, Rachel." She said quietly "I just came in to uh tell you that I'm gonna be going back to Lima for a couple of days."

Rachel pouted slightly "Why?"

"Just to see my parents and maybe to check up on Brittany. I leave in like a couple of hours."

Rachel nodded "Well thanks for the heads up."

Santana nodded and then turned on the balls of her feet to walk out of Rachel's room

"Santana, wait." Rachel said, stopping her. Santana turned back around "Can you come here for a second?"

Santana nodded and walked over to Rachel's bed and picked a spot on her bed that was an equal amount of distance between the two of them.

"Are you upset with me?" She held her breath, hoping that the answer would be no.

Santana hung her head and shrugged.

Rachel sighed "I just don't get it, last night you came in here and said all of those things. But now it's like nothing ever happened."

"I don't think I was in my right mind last night."

Hurt spread over Rachel's face as Santana continued "You're selfish, Rachel. You could care less about me or Quinn's feelings."

Rachel shook her head frantically "No, Santana I care about both of you!"

"If you cared about both of us then you wouldn't have led us both on for as long as you did. I understand you may have feelings for the both of us but that still doesn't make it okay."

"I know, and I said I was sorry!"

"I believed you, until you admitted you loved me."

"But I meant that, I love you Santana. I really do."

"I know, but what about, Quinn? I bet you can't look me in my face and say you don't love her."

Rachel bit her lip and hung her head "Exactly, you do." Santana got up "If you loved us then you'd choose. You wouldn't play with our emotions."

Rachel looked up at Santana, tears streaming down her face "I'm really sorry, Santana."

"So am I." she turned away and made her way for the door.

"San," Santana stopped in her tracks but did not turn around this time.

This was probably a horrible time to ask this but it was killing Rachel. She didn't know when she'd see Santana again and she just had to know "Do you love me? Or did you ever?"

"Maybe, I might've and I'm not sure if I still do or not. I just need time to think about all of this. But until then…" she looked over her shoulder at Rachel "I take it back." And with that she walked out of her room and closed the door behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Sorry for the incredibly long wait. It took me a while to update I know. Anyways this story has taken a new turn all because I was having some serious Quinntana feels. _

"Santana, what are you doing here?" Quinn asked as Santana walked into her dorm room.

"I need to talk to you." She said as she paced back and forth.

Quinn sighed and closed the door "If this is about Rachel I don't want to talk about it."

Santana stopped pacing and looked at her "It is about Rachel. Everything is about Rachel and I don't want to hear you go on bitching about how you're upset that we had sex because she lied to me too. In fact you're more in the wrong than I am, you knew about everything. I didn't. And now I look like the fucking idiot."

Quinn bit her lip "I'm sorry, Santana. I didn't want to lie to you, honestly. I guess I just let everything that was going on between us get in the way of our friendship."

Santana nodded "It's understandable, Rachel has the ability to do that to people."

Quinn bit her lip and smiled "Yeah she does." She whispered to herself.

"You really love her huh Q?" Santana asked, her tone becoming softer than before.

Quinn sighed "I really do, Santana. I have ever since high school. I didn't even know if I was gay or not but I knew I secretly loved her." She paused "Do you?" She asked, holding her breath.

"Honestly, yes. I love her even through all of this shit I am 100% sure that I love Rachel. And though I would never admit it now I can't get her off of my mind."

"You know she didn't mean it right? Even though it seems like she was playing us both for a bunch of sex crazed fools she really did it because she loves us. Both of us."

Santana shrugged "I believe it. I just don't know how we're going to get past all of this. A lot of damage has been done."

Quinn stepped closer to Santana "Well let's make a promise to ourselves. No matter what happens, no matter who Rachel picks we will remain friends. You are my best friend San and I kind of forgot that but I don't ever want to forget it again. I want you to be a constant figure in my life even if Rachel isn't."

Santana nodded "Deal." She said back sweetly and they held their gaze for what felt like a lifetime before it got really hot and Quinn looked down.

She cleared her throat "So were you planning on staying, I don't see any bags."

"Oh, yeah I kind of forgot to pack bags. Coming here was more of an impulse decision."

"It's okay, my roommate's out of town for the weekend and I have some clothes you could wear. You can sleep on the top bunk or on the bottom bunk with me."

Santana swallowed "I think I'd be more comfy on the bottom bunk with since I don't really know your roommate all that well."

…

Santana and Quinn laughed as they lay in bed and talked about high school and all of the memories they had together.

"San?" Quinn asked as the laughter started to die down.

"Yes?"

"Do you remember when you and I…" she kept trying to say the words but they weren't coming out.

Santana chuckled "Fucked. Yes, Q I remember."

Quinn turned on her side and looked at the Latina "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

"Oh, most definitely. To be honest, I still dream about it sometimes."

Quinn smiled at that "Was I better than Rachel?" She asked jokingly.

"I don't want to talk about Rachel." Santana said seriously.

"Sorry, what do you wanna talk about?"

Santana looked over at Quinn "How amazing you tasted." She said seriously, the need and desire written all over her face.

Quinn breathed heavily "What else?" She asked

"How I can't get the taste of you out of my mouth to this day, how I would love to taste you again." She whispered hoping Quinn hadn't heard.

But of course she had, she'd been staring at her lips the entire time. Those perfect pink lips that she wanted to kiss so badly. She had to hold off though; if she and Santana did anything then they'd be just as bad as Rachel if not worse. But the temptation was killing.

"I wanna kiss you so badly." Quinn said honestly as she continued to stare at Santana's lips.

"We can't." Santana said as she took her thumb and ran it over the ridge of Quinn's bottom lip.

"I know." Quinn said as she bit down on the tip of Santana's thumb gently.

Santana's heart began beating faster than before "We really can, you know that? We just shouldn't because of…"

"Shh. You said you didn't want to talk about her and we're not going to." Quinn said quickly before moving closer to Santana and immediately placing her lips on the Latina's.

It was such a rushing feeling, having Quinn again. It wasn't right but didn't they always say the best things were almost never the right things. She didn't care who was wrong and who was right all she knew was that Quinn's lips were so cool and she smelled of strawberry shampoo and mint. She'd reap the consequences in the morning and so would Quinn but they'd deal with that in the morning. She just knew she had to taste the blonde in that moment.


End file.
